


Don't you hear my call?

by Queenie_Sorcha



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet Ending, Brian is oblivious, Crying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt Roger Taylor (Queen), I don't do dates I'm sorry, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Reminiscing, Sorry Not Sorry, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tim is a sweetheart, Time Skips, Timeline What Timeline, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, but - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 23:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie_Sorcha/pseuds/Queenie_Sorcha
Summary: Roger needed to be a part of Smile. Not only because drumming was his life and music was what he was born to do, what gave him energy and ways of expressing himself, but because the guitarist was quite a view. Nice long nose, with nice curly hair, nice long hands and nice long legs. Roger would be a fool if he didn’t fall in love with the boy.





	Don't you hear my call?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, it's me again (procrastinating to finish two more chapters).  
> This one right here is soft -- if you consider the last two things I posted.
> 
> I wanted to change things a bit and i left my comfort zone because I didn't write hurt!Brian. But as always Tim is a sweetheart (because we respect and love Tim).
> 
> I put some info about space but I'm terrible in physics (sorry, Brian), so forgive me if there's anything wrong (blame my education that didn't focus enough in space and stars).

_1968_  

Roger needed to be a part of Smile. Not only because drumming was his life and music was what he was born to do, what gave him energy and ways of expressing himself, but because the guitarist was quite a view. Nice long nose, with nice curly hair, nice long hands and nice long legs. Roger would be a fool if he didn’t fall in love with the boy. His name was Brian, and Roger knew he would never be able to forget it. That’s why he tried to impress him in every possible way, and his heart beat a little faster when he saw the amusement in Brian’s face when he tuned his drums. Brian smiled at him and Roger blushed from head to toes, thinking to himself that his life would be one hundred times better if he saw that smile every day when he woke up.  

Roger started to play and he felt electricity coursing through his body, his mind going miles away, his hands never stopping and his arms burning with the intensity of his movements, sweat was starting to drip from his forehead and stick his hair, his lips were pursed and his face was flushed. When he finished, air was a little scarce and he needed a few seconds to recompose himself. Roger looked at Brian and saw his eyes glistening, beaming at him. The vision was blissful, and all the drummer wanted was to kiss Brian’s cheeks.  

— That... — Brian looked at the ceiling and then back at Roger — was  _amazing_. Do you want to play together? — Brian pointed at his guitar, and Roger nodded enthusiastically. 

— Yes, that would be great.  

Roger thought he was in heaven when Brian strummed his guitar, the sound was different from anything he ever heard. Their synchrony was perfect, because even though they didn’t have a song in mind, they played together like they knew each other since forever. Brian’s fingers moved smoothly and Roger couldn’t stop thinking that he wanted to caress and kiss that fingers, feel them against his skin. The way they played was a proof that they needed to be together, and when Brian smiled at him, Roger knew he was a goner — he was already head over heels, and all he wanted to do was kiss him. 

They stopped when someone opened the door of the room they were using to the auditions, and Brian’s face lighted up, making Roger smile wildly. He wanted to be the reason why Brian was this happy. Another man approached them and greeted Brian, shaking his hand with a warm smile, and then he turned to look at Roger, waving his hand. Roger saluted him with a smirk, still focused on Brian’s face — that now was beautifully flushed, and his red cheeks and pretty smile made Roger’s heart stop for a millisecond. The other man looked at Brian and the guitarist laughed slightly, and Roger knew that was the most beautiful sound in the whole universe.  

— Hi, I’m Tim, vocalist and bassist. — He had a warm and cosy voice. — Sorry to be late, I had something to do. — Brian looked at him softly.  

— Roger, I’m—  

— He’s our drummer. — Brian spoke with such certainty that Roger got embarrassed, and Tim just cocked his eyebrow.  

— Is that so? — Tim laughed, and they chatted as if Roger wasn’t in the room. The drummer didn’t think much of that, after all, they were a duo.  

— He’s the best drummer we’ll ever find, Tim; he’s the best one in the galaxy! — Roger blushed with the compliment and started to fiddle with his fingers. 

— I suppose you’d know that, space boy. — They laughed, and Brian hit Tim’s arm jokingly. — Come to our next rehearsal, Roger – if Brian here likes you, then you must be truly awesome.  

— Well, thank you... — Roger tried not to stutter and laughed a little, receiving a shy smile from Brian — where will we meet?  

— At our place, I'll give you the address. — Brian scribbled messily on a piece of paper and handed it to Roger, and the drummer noticed that his phone number was also there. It was a victory: getting the address _and_ the phone number without having to ask. Roger’s heart beat a little bit faster and he smiled awkwardly, trying to hide how happy he was. — Next Thursday, 3pm.   

— Yeah, I’ll be there. — Roger put the paper inside his pocket. — Not going to be late. 

— Oi, stop right there. — Tim said playfully. — You’ll make Brian fall in love with you. — At that remark, Brian started to laugh, and Roger didn’t know if it was a good or a bad sign, but he laughed along, hoping that the guitarist would indeed fall in love with him. He could only imagine how would it be if they were a couple, how many hugs they’d share and what a perfect pair they’d make. Roger zoned out and only returned to the present time when he saw Brian and Tim heading to the door. — Roger? Are you here with us? 

— What? Sorry, I was... I was just checking if I already had an appointment.  

— My, my, looks like we’ve found a busy one, Tim. — Brian chuckled. — We’re leaving now, do you want help with the drum kit?  

— Oh, no, it’s all good. Er... do you want a lift? I can take you to your place or something... if you want to, I mean... 

— Don’t need to worry, mate, we live nearby. — Brian smiled fondly at him, and Roger forgot how to breathe. — But thanks. Bye, Rog, see you. 

— Bye, mate, looking forward to work with you. — Tim waved at Roger and he and Brian left the room. Roger waved back weakly. 

There were a lot of things to think at the moment, like the fact that Brian and Tim left  _together_ , but Roger payed no mind to that because they were just flatmates — they looked nothing like a couple. So, Roger was thinking about the perfection that Brian was: the way his hair fell around his face, framing his eyes and cheekbones — that were  _something else_ , so sharp and square, just like his jaw; the colour of his eyes made him look like an angel, and Roger was sure that in the light his iris would be golden-green; his smile and his laughter were enough to send butterflies to his stomach. The only thing Roger wanted was to be his boyfriend for ever more, wake up beside him and go to sleep holding him.  

♥ 

Roger was soon welcomed as a part of the band; Tim liked his style and he was always smiling when they played. And soon he learned that Brian and Tim lived together, increasing his suspicions that they were a couple — but they still didn’t hug or showed any affection, so Roger was hopeful that he would get Brian; his plan was going alright, he flirted with the guitarist every now and then, touching him and hugging him — doing what a  _boyfriend_ would do. Of course, he didn’t do anything too much, because the times were still oppressive, and it would be bad propaganda to Smile if people knew they were a thing.  

So, Roger slowed down when they were in public, just making subtle remarks and complimenting him about his skills instead of his beauty — because not only Brian was handsome, no, he was smart as hell. Brian built his guitar and wanted to be an astrophysicist; Roger found out one night when they were drinking at the back of the pub they just played at, and Brian started to talk about the stars and the planets. Roger thought that Brian shined brighter than any star in the skies, and his intellect just made the drummer more attracted to him.  

 _— Your eyes look like that big star right there, Brian. — Brian blushed and Tim chuckled._  

 _— Our space boy is going to fall harder, Roger, I’d stop right now if I were you – he is insufferable._  

 _— Fuck off, Tim. — the bassist just laughed and returned to his beer, Brian shook his head and glanced back at the sky. Roger wanted to take his hand, but Brian was so at peace that it felt wrong to disturb him. — But thanks, Rog; except I think that your eyes are way prettier. — Brian smiled and Tim mocked him._  

 _—_ _Sure_ _this got you all the ladies back in high school. — Brian rolled his eyes,_  

 _— Sod off. You’re an ass, you know it, right? — Tim laughed again_  

Because of that night, Roger decided it was time to come out. Brian was giving all the signs that he was interested, and as soon as Roger took the first step, they would start a healthy relationship, playing together and having wonderful nights at home, they would get engaged and — when the United Kingdom became a civilized country — would get married, creating a beautiful family — with two kids of their own; and they wouldn’t grow tired of each other, because their love was stronger than anything, and they would wake up beside each other every day — Brian would give him a lazy smile and Roger would kiss his cheek, they’d have a quiet breakfast and would sit down on the couch to watch TV with their grandchildren.  

It was another day of rehearsals and Roger was extremely anxious, complaining every time they played a little bit slower. He needed to blow off some steam, and drumming was the only way to take his mind off Brian — he was wearing tight pants and a social shirt, he was a _tease_. Roger felt his heart flutter every time Brian looked or smiled at him, even the slightest nod towards his direction was enough to make him fall more in love. He played with passion, trying to tell the guitarist how much he was loved and adored. Roger was scared, to tell the truth, because he never felt something that strong for someone, and he couldn’t see his life without the boy beside him. Roger wanted to share his dreams, his desires, his ambitions, his every breath with Brian, he wanted to be loved by him, and cherish him in every possible way.  

Roger was completely in love and he knew that love would never die, it came to stay and mark him — because Roger  _became_ love. He breathed and bathed in love, he played with his whole heart; if only love had made him stronger than he already was, flowing through his veins like blood, invading his lungs like air, overflowing from his pores like sweat; he  _smelled_ like love, and anyone could see how infatuated he was — he had one smiled just for Brian, the one where he put his tongue between his teeth, and he believed his soul was made for Brian. They were just perfect,  _soulmates_. Roger loved the feeling he had when playing with Brian, and he  _knew_ the guitarist felt the same. And when Tim asked for a break, Roger said it was time. 

— Brian, there’s something I need to tell you... — he stood up and got close to Brian, who put his guitar down.  

— Go on, Rog. — Brian ran his fingers through his hair and sat on the couch. 

— I’m —  _in love with you —_ bisexual. — Roger wanted to be sure that Brian wouldn’t freak out, first he’d come out and after he would confess his undying love.  

— Are... are you serious? — Brian asked in a low voice, and it seemed like he was scared.  

— Yes, I am. — Roger’s eyes gleamed when Brian smiled at him with warmth. — I’m completely bisexual, Bri.  

— Oh, Rog! — Brian got up to hug him tight, and Roger laughed. — I’m happy you feel comfortable enough to tell me.  

Roger knew what happiness was: happiness was Brian holding him and spinning him around, giggling, and the drummer heard his heartbeats — Roger embed the sound in his heart, he’d put it in a song later, because it was just exciting that his love was happy for him. They were still in each other’s arms when Tim returned, and he just laughed a little. Roger looked at him and noticed that he was looking at Brian, and when the drummer looked up, he saw what heaven was like — Brian had tears in his eyes, but he was smiling, showing his little fangs, and his cheeks were bright red.  

— Why are you so happy? — Tim walked to his bass.  

— Do you want to tell, Rog? — Brian pulled away and went straight to Tim, looking at him like he was the one who created all the stars.  

— I’m bisexual. Completely bisexual. Undoubtedly bisexual. — Tim turned around quicker than the speed of light and seemed quite shocked. — And I’m being serious.  

— Oh my god, Roger. — Tim laughed and looked at Brian. The guitarist just nodded his head and hugged him close. Roger was clueless. — We really thought you were straight, Jesus. — Brian laughed too. — It was so hard to hide it all from you, you have no idea. — Roger was going to ask what was happening, but as soon as he opened his mouth, Tim kissed Brian. Roger was sure the whole world heard his heart breaking. — God, I've been dying to kiss you, babe. — Brian laughed once more. — Brimi said you wouldn’t care, but we were still afraid... but now? —  _Brimi_. Roger’s head was trying to process all the information. Did he read all the signs wrong? Was he that oblivious? And what about all that flirting? They must’ve noticed that something was wrong with Roger.  

— Are you okay, Rog? — Brian held his hand, and Roger wanted to cry because Brian didn’t have the right to be this kind after breaking his heart, even if unintentionally.  

— I just— he sobbed and soon two pairs of arms were enveloping him.  

— Hey, it’s okay. — Brian cooed. — I know it’s hard, but the world is changing. It’ll be alright, just like in our song.  

— How... how did you know? How did your parents react? — Roger needed to take the attention off him, so he wouldn’t break in front of Brian.  

— I always knew I was gay, but... Tim was my answer. He is the one. — Roger had his eyes closed, because he knew Brian was biting his lips and looking at Tim with loving eyes. — And my parents, they... they don’t know  _yet._  

— It’s alright, Roger, — Tim stroked his back and Roger wanted to howl, because it felt wrong — we’ll be here for you.  

Roger thanked them and was grateful when Brian called it a day, because he couldn’t stay there and see the way Brian looked at his boyfriend, the way he held him and smiled at him, because Roger was the one who should receive this love.  _He_ was the one who truly loved Brian, and he couldn’t help but feel jealous, wishing he could steal Brian away and show him what he was losing while being with Tim. But those thoughts vanished away when he took a glimpse and saw that Brian was glowing — just like Roger was a few minutes ago. He went home and cried until his head hurt, and the only thing he wanted was to forget Brian.  

♥ 

 _1971_  

Roger didn’t have the guts to leave the band, because even though he knew Brian would never be his, he loved playing with them. So, all he did was hide his pain away, trying to forget and find another love, but no one was like Brian. No one would even compare. Roger went out with someone new every time they played, so that he wouldn’t need to see Brian and Tim snogging and almost fucking at the back of the pubs — but still hiding away from the crowd, afraid that the small success they had would be thrown away if people knew.  

  

The show of that night was terrible, Brian and Tim looked distressed, and a sick part of his brain told him that they had a fight, and it was the perfect time to get Brian. He put this thought aside, because Brian deserved to be happy, and if he loved someone else, then Roger would need to move on. Although they gave their best, the crowd wasn’t that hooked, and maybe that was the last straw.    
Roger was partying with some girls, feeling glad the alcohol helped him forget the constant ache in his heart and the loneliness in his bones, but soon it all became senseless, it was tiring to keep pretending he was happy, so he left the pub and went to his van — only to find a crying Brian and a stressed Tim. 

— Are you fucking serious? — Brian’s voice was weak.  

— Yes, I am  _fucking_ serious. Brian, — not Brimi this time — you knew this was my dream, I always told you!  

— Yes, you did. But I always told that  _this_ was my dream; it was  _our_ dream. — Brian wiped his eyes. — You can’t leave me like this, Tim, you can’t.  

— I’m sorry, but... this is a great opportunity, I can’t lose it. — Tim lowered his head and put his hands on his hips. — I can’t. 

— Yeah, but we can lose my dream, right? — Brian laughed bitterly and cursed under his breath. — Maybe this wasn’t supposed to work... 

— Things end, Brian, I’m sorry... I... I need to go... — Tim went to caress Brian’s arm but the guitarist flinched away.  

—  _Go._  

Roger watched as Tim left and Brian sat on the back of the van crying, and he smiled because now he’d comfort him and Brian would certainly fall in love with him. So, he approached the guitarist slowly and sat beside him, smirking when Brian immediately snuggled into him. Roger was going to say something, but Brian let out a broken cry and Roger’s mind went blank, and Brian started to vent, saying that now they would go nowhere, that his dreams were dead. Roger knew that that was his chance, but his dream was also in danger, so he just asked Brian to go to the passenger’s seat and wait, because he had a solution.  

Roger wanted to punch Tim, that was true, because how dare him broke Brian’s heart? But he calmed down, knowing that Brian needed support right now. So, he drove Brian to his place and led him inside, sitting him on the couch and tucking him in some blankets. He ignored Brian’s questioning, and went to the phone to call a friend that would certainly lift his mood. Roger would prove to the guitarist that he was worth it and that they were made for each other. Roger would mend Brian’s heart, he would take their dream to another level. When he was sure his friend was coming, Roger sat beside Brian and hugged him, letting him cry some more before wiping his tears and looking him meaningfully in the eyes. He just wanted to kiss those pretty lips, but instead he kissed his cheek and felt happy when he smiled a shy smile. His friend arrived soon, and got worried when saw the state that Brian was in.  

— Roger, what did you do? — He crouched down next to Brian and took his curls off his eyes. 

— I did nothing, Fred. — Roger said proudly. —Anyways, I called you here to ask you something. 

— Darling, are you sure you’re here because you want? — Freddie asked Brian and the taller man just laughed. — What do you want? 

— Well, we were in a band, but our vocalist just left us, so... 

— Do you want me to replace him? — Brian’s face fell and he rubbed his face. 

— Rog, I’m not sure, I— 

— Oh, don’t doubt Fred, Bri, he’s a great singer. Show him. — And Brian really believed that they could be great, because Freddie’s voice was really great. Roger beamed excited; his plan was working: they just needed to find a bassist and then he would need to heal Brian. But that would be easy, because Roger knew Brian, and he  _was_  love again, with all that glow and all that energy. Roger had hope again.  

— That... that was awesome, I have to agree. 

— Does it mean that we’ll keep playing, Bri? — Roger asked, smiling like a kid.  

— If we find a good bassist, then yes, we’ll keep going. — Roger laughed and hugged Brian, caressing his hair and stroking his back, fighting the urge to kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. — Right, I have to go back home. — Brian stood up and Roger looked at him with confusion in his eyes. — I'll give you a call and we’ll discuss the details, okay? 

— Are you sure you don’t want to sleep here? — Roger tried not to sound desperate because his love was slipping through his fingers again. — Your ex is probably there, and— 

— My _ex?_ Tim is not my ex, we’re still together. — Brian narrowed his eyes and Roger realised he was in trouble.  

— But I thought... the way he spoke to you...  

— We were talking about music. Tim wants to be a designer and he got this awesome job, you know? It may seem that we were talking about our relationship, but... — Brian sighed — we support each other, I just thought he would stay with me until I fulfilled my dream. Thanks for your help, Rog, but I need to talk to him.  

And just like that Brian left, without even saying goodbye. Freddie looked at him, but Roger didn’t notice: he just kept staring at the place Brian was sitting and struggling with his tears — Roger really thought he was going to get Brian that time, that  _finally_ they’d be together, because they were meant to be, but apparently his friends were still in love and that was just a lover’s quarrel. He lost it when he remembered the way Brian’s body was shaking because of his crying, and he could love him better — so much better; his heart broke again, shattering into a million pieces, and he was sure Brian would hate him — and a life with Brian hating him would be worse than a life where Brian was only his friend.  

— Roger... 

—  _Shut up. —_ He took the blankets in his hands and led them to his nose, trying to smell Brian’s perfume, and even though the scent was feeble, it was enough to remind him of how much he  _loved_ all of Brian.  

— Darling— 

— Freddie, I don’t want to talk about it.  

Roger curled around the blankets and started to cry, thinking that maybe he would be with Brian when they returned to the sky — Brian said they were made of cosmic dust, and maybe they were created from the same star and that’s why everything about them connected, that could explain why they were soulmates. Maybe when they returned to the sky, Brian would have a greenish glow — just like his eyes — and Roger would beam in blue, and they would pulsate in the same frequency, their energy melting to create another life, and they would explode in a supernova, the most beautiful phenomenon, and every scientist would witness their love, the images would be forever safe in astronomy books — the ones Brian’s grandchildren would read, and would tear up when they saw the picture because they would know it was Roger and Brian.  

♥ 

 _1974_  

Roger hadn’t slept, he was worried. Brian was locked in a hospital for god knows how long and he was suffering. His surgeries went great, he was physically fine, but Roger knew better. He could see the way the eyes that brought him joy had faded, the way Brian’s will to live had gone away. Roger stood by him all the time, only leaving to record his parts on the songs and returning right after to look after Brian.  

Roger knew he himself was starting to get lifeless, he knew he should move on and stop everything before it was too late, but he couldn’t stay away — something pulled him to Brian, something just like gravity. Roger knew it would hurt like hell, that if he didn’t start searching, he would be alone forever, reminiscing about the times when he believed that Brian wanted him, the heartache would be too much, and maybe Roger was to blame for not having seen it coming. Roger thought that loving Brian was like getting close to a black hole: it was beautiful when you start the journey, you think it’s a new wonder and it’s worth the risk, but when you get caught in its gravity, you can’t go back and time loses it meaning, everything goes along with you and your heart falls before your head, — like the feet that are pulled before the head — and when you see it, you’re inside the black hoke and don’t know what to do, because no one ever told you what to expect and it’s too late for anyone to save you, because they’re years away from you, and you’re stuck in the past.  

Roger was in his daily visit, trying to convince Brian that they would never replace him, but he seemed worse — almost like his soul was gone. The drummer tried everything. It was only when Tim arrived that Brian seemed to leave the dark place in his head. The  _boyfriend_ was crying and he hugged Brian, kissing his face over and over again, whispering “I am sorry” all the time. Roger knew that Tim was working abroad; somehow, he got a job in a French company and he left. Brian didn’t complain — he never did. But dammit, he needed to be beside his boyfriend. Roger wouldn’t leave Brian in a time like this. Never. 

— Thank you, Roger. — Tim hugged him and all the mean thoughts inside his head went away. — Thanks for taking care of him. 

— You’re welcome, mate.  

Roger left the room, only glancing behind one time to see Brian crying in Tim’s arms, clenching his fist on his boyfriend’s shirt and — apparently — screaming. Roger sighed and went home, knowing that his _friend_  didn’t need him anymore. He got home and poured a drink, feeling glad that something warmed his cold body. Roger laughed sadly because he was just like light before he met Brian, never feeling down because of love, but now that he was in the gravity of the black hole, his light was being sucked by it, and there was no way to escape now — how would he fall out of love faster than the speed of light?  

♥ 

 _1975_  

Roger was glad they went to record the album far away from London — he could distract himself. The nature felt so great, with the cold breeze blowing his hair lightly, the birds singing freely and the smell of grass invading his nose. It was also great because Brian looked less depressed when he was there, and Roger was glad he was doing alright. The glow returned to his eyes, and his skin wasn’t so pale. That was the Brian Roger loved.  

Roger got used to the suffering, really, and he found himself partying again and going out with his friends. Freddie took him to a few gay bars, and he and John went to a club that played disco — Roger hated it, but he enjoyed seeing John dancing to the music. In the end, he hooked up with a few people, but no one he liked enough to engage in a relationship. He loved no one besides Brian.  

He wrote a lot of songs about this unrequited love and ever-increasing desire, trying to get the virus out of his system, but nothing worked. Why was it so hard? He thought about leaving the band, — again — but he would miss the feeling of being part of something that big — and Freddie would murder him if he left them. Roger thought that maybe he could kiss Brian and make the other man realise that they were in love, but it wasn’t fair, because every day Brian called Tim to tell the news and ask about his day — they truly loved each other, and nothing was worth a broken heart, Roger knew that by experience, so he couldn’t do this to his friends. In the end, Roger got used to being heartbroken and he decided he could live with it.  

One night he found Brian sitting alone in the grass, looking at the stars. It was ironic, because the stars started it all, in the beginning of times and in that night when Roger decided to tell Brian because of the _fucking stars_. Roger sat beside him and put his knees against his chest.  

— Thinking about going to space? — Brian snickered at Roger’s comment.  

— I’m too unstable to go to space. — Brian lied down and Roger followed him. — I’m just... feeling lonely.  

— But you’re not alone, Bri. — Roger looked at him and felt his heart clench, because Brian was crying. — What’s wrong? 

— Being lonely is different than being alone, Rog. — And the drummer felt that, because he was lonely too. — I just fucked up really bad. — He turned around to face his friend. 

— What did you do, Bri?  

— I told my parents. It’s been a while, actually, almost a year, I told them when I was... worse. — Roger nodded and held his hand. — They’re not happy, and thinking that I’m also a guitarist just make it... unbearable to them... and I’m afraid Tim will leave me, and I just miss him so much, it feels like eons since the last time I saw him. — They were looking at each other’s face, and Roger closed his eyes, because the tension was too thick and he wanted Brian to kiss him and forget his problems; but the kiss never came, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Brian looking at the sky again. They were still holding hands and Roger thought it would be rude to let go in that moment.  

— It’ll be alright, Bri. 

♥ 

Roger was being mocked because of the song he wrote, but he couldn’t help. He dreamt the same dream for five nights straight, and he needed to get it out. He was there with Brian, kissing him roughly, and the guitarist was panting, sprawled on the bed, his curls everywhere and his legs wide open for Roger to see  _everything_ , and Roger  _loved_ it. They were touching each other everywhere, looking for that sweet release, but before they blissfully reached their nirvana, Roger woke up with a hard on.  _Fuck._  

He wrote the song about Brian, hoping he would realise, but instead he was met with sarcasm. He defended his song, of course, but joined in the jokes because he didn’t want to be that obvious. But when Brian said his song wasn’t “strong enough”, Roger got angry. He spent seven years pining for the guitarist, trying to show him that he was loved, and Roger suffered because Brian didn’t love him like that — only for him to mock a song about his feelings? No, Roger thought it was time to have a little of self-love, so he threw bacon at Brian. It wasn’t enough, though, so he threw everything on the table to the floor, knocking coffee on Brian’s white shirt. Freddie and John started to laugh and Brian rolled his eyes. 

—  _Well,_ _Brimi_ _, you should stop being insufferable just for once._ — That was all Roger needed. Tim was there. Brian turned around in a second and smiled brightly, getting up to hug his lover. They kissed and kissed and kissed, and Roger just wanted to puke because he felt jealous, he was supposed to be the one kissing Brian like that.  

— I missed you so much. Fuck, Tim, I missed you. — Brian kissed him again, and Roger just turned his back to them.  

— I missed you too, babe. Our house is not the same without you.  

— Will you stay with me? Please... — Roger knew he was blinking his eyes and biting his lips.  

— I have a few days off and the weekend, would it bother you if I stayed? — He _heard_ the kiss that Tim planted on Brian’s lips.  

— No, not at all. Come, let me show you our room.  

Roger groaned when the  _happy couple_ left the kitchen and poured coffee on a big mug. He was frowning because Tim would bother them, Tim didn’t need to be there, Tim didn’t deserve Brian because Roger  _knew_ he didn’t love the guitarist enough. 

— Careful, darling, they’ll notice. — Freddie caressed his left arm and smiled sadly. 

— I don’t get why he’s here.  

— His boyfriend is here, Rog. — John stated and cocked his eyebrow.  

—  _I_ _know_ _!_ — Roger finished his coffee quickly. — Let’s get back to work, please.  

 

That was a terrible idea, because Tim was on the studio. Roger’s day got worse and worse. Brian had changed his shirt, and now he was wearing a striped sweater that made him look cute. Roger wanted to kiss his cheek and sing him a lullaby, but it wasn’t his place to do it. He wasn’t the boyfriend. Brian picked up the twelve-string guitar and led Tim to an armchair, telling him to listen to the song. And when Brian started to sing, Roger knew what it meant. It was a song about space, stars and longing — it talked to Roger more that he would dare to admit. Brian got emotional in the end, shedding a few tears — Roger wanted to cry, but he kept the tears at bay.  

Tim got up and put the guitar away, holding and kissing his boyfriend, reassuring him that the song was amazing and he didn’t need to cry. Roger wanted to laugh, because what did Tim know? He wasn’t there when Brian needed the most, he broke a promise, he hurt Brian. Roger knew it was just jealousy taking control, and he really felt guilty for thinking like that. He was happy for Brian because he found love, but the sadness he felt was too much — rejection hurt too much, and he didn’t even have a chance to prove Brian that they could work.  

— I know the song is amazing, you twat. — Brian laughed and wiped his tears. — I’m crying because it’s for you. I just... I miss you so much, love. — Tim smiled. 

— You won’t need to worry that much. — He put his hands in his pockets and Roger got anxious. It couldn’t be. _It_ _couldn’t! —_ I love you more than words can express, you know that, right? — Brian nodded and Roger felt his heart being cut and torn apart because it was exactly what he thought it was. — And you’re the one I want to live with forever. So... — he got down in one knee and took a velvet box out of his pocket — would you make me the happiest and luckiest man on Earth and marry me? — Brian looked dumbfounded, tears silently falling and a smile growing in his lips.  

— Yes. — He nodded. —  _Yes_ , I want to marry you. — Tim got up and kissed him, the sound of Freddie and John cheering muffled the sound of a sob that left Roger’s throat. He was happy because the man of Brian’s life had just proposed, but  _fuck_ , it hurt. He wanted to be the one on his knees. Tim put the ring on Brian’s finger and the guitarist looked at it in shock, as if he couldn’t believe it was happening. — You came here just to ask my hand?  

— Yes. — They laughed and Brian leaned in to kiss his  _fiancée._  — Couldn’t wait; although we’ll have to wait to get married.  

— I don’t care, I just want you. — Roger felt tears falling, but he pretended they were happy tears because of his friend. He also looked at the ring with John and Freddie, and he hugged the happy couple, but inside he was coming apart. He lost his everything. 

♥ 

Roger wished he was in John’s room, because Brian’s bed was squeaky as hell and they were _loud_. Brian was screaming in pleasure, begging for more and more, and Tim was moaning indecently, telling Brian how good he was, and they were whimpering and whining and panting and groaning, saying “I love you” all the time. Roger cried a little because he wanted that: he wanted to be the one making Brian squirm and come undone, he wanted to be the one to love Brian like that.  

In the morning, Brian was limping, his whole body covered in marks and a naughty smile on his face. He sat on the chair and winced a little, but the pain made him laugh. Tim soon appeared, his lips were swollen and something was staining them. He leaned down to kiss Brian and the guitarist licked them to clean whatever it was — Roger shivered with the thought of Tim sucking Brian off. They held hands and kissed again, looking into each other’s eyes. 

— The night was good, huh, Brian? — John wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.  

— Yeah, it was awesome. — Tim laughed and sucked a mark at Brian’s neck, making him moan lightly. — I have work to do, love. — They laughed and kept playing like that. 

Roger looked at them and sighed, drinking his tea. He was left to dream about Brian, who was engaged, and his heart sank and he drowned. There was no chance for them, it was clear now, and he had to wait until they became stars again. He would never feel those fingers against his skin, he would never kiss those lips. Roger would never have Brian, and he just realised it then. He needed to move on, but he was right — it hurt, it hurt a lot, and he wasn’t ready. He looked at Brian again, he was smiling lovingly at his _fiancée,_  and maybe his heart didn’t break completely, because a part of him wanted to smile too. Roger lowered his head and closed his eyes, thinking that this was the other side of the black hole: a huge void with only the nostalgia and ache of feelings that should be forgotten, and the never-ending longing for the light of the stars.  

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you don't hate me, but I'm a slut for agnst -- I'm sorry but not that sorry.  
> This is the end, I won't fix it, there won't be another chapter. Life hurts.
> 
> You can leave kudos and comments if you want, I want to know your opinion.  
> Oh. and you can find me on:  
> tumblr - @your-wannabe-queen  
> wattpad - @Queenie_Sorcha  
> twitter - @wannabesorcja


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